Sayings that keep us coming back!

July 7, 2010 on 7:35 pm | In alcoholics, alcoholism, binge drinking, codependent, domestic abuse, drinking, drunk, elder drinking, marijuana, recovery, underage drinking | No Comments

Main Ingredient – click        After all the years I’ve been working on changing the way I behave in a sober world, I’m still amazed at how often I awkwardly manage my life.   The Main Ingredient, with Cuba Gooding Jr.’s father as lead singer, sang it:  “Everybody Plays the Fool, sometime.”  When I played that song on the radio, my comment was, “Yeah, but I just wish my turn wouldn’t come up so often.” 

Even though I laugh about it, it’s an ongoing feature of my personality.  Now I come from a long line of drunken odd balls so you’d think I’d have a leg up on strange behavior, but I don’t.  Sometimes I have to ask my wife, what it was I did or said that made the situation worse.  Regularly it’s the expression on my face that trumps what’s coming out of my mouth.  Inside, I’m not really all that upset.  Which leads me to believe I don’t communicate as well as I should. It’s time to Think, Think, Think..!

I began drinking when I was a boy, so my brain didn’t mature like most humans’.  It’s not an excuse as much as it is a caution sign for me to watch-it when I’m entering the intersection of pissed and justifiable Anger.  There ain’t no such thing for an alcoholic and it is here that I need to take a deep breath and remember to Take it Easy.  So now you have examples of how two of our sayings, plastered on the walls of AA, came about.  At least for me anyway.

Thanks for caring

The First AA Meeting

July 1, 2010 on 10:07 am | In Law, abuse, alcoholics, alcoholism, binge drinking, codependent, domestic abuse, drinking, drunk, elder drinking, marijuana, police, recovery, underage drinking | No Comments
Recently, I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy some friends, and a few relatives, find sobriety for the first time in their lives.  It’s a wonderful emotion, because I know the tragedy of being an alcoholic. So these recent events feel good and encouraging.  It reminded me of my first meeting at AA. 

It was on Ohio Street in Santa Monica, California and was downright scary.  As I pulled up to the clubhouse, I was thrown off by the amount of people hanging around outside before the meeting, laughing and looking very happy.  No panhandling or guys with slobber in their beards.  No red eyes looking like a roadmap of Puerto Rico.

I didn’t know what to expect, but whatever notion I had preconceived, included a few winos, sitting on the ground, backs against the building, drinking out of a paper bags, and babbling on incoherently.  No, the people I saw were folks just like me, except they were sober.

That first impression and the genuinely warm reception, with the exception of a few Hardliners telling me to, “Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth,” is what made me keep coming back. I felt hope for the first time in my entire life.  “If they can do it, so can I,” I remember saying to myself.

Hoot’s First AA Meeting Part 2

Alcoholism and the Elderly — the New Epidemic?

June 23, 2010 on 10:24 am | In Law, abuse, alcoholics, alcoholism, binge drinking, codependent, domestic abuse, drinking, drunk, elder drinking, marijuana, police, probation, recovery | No Comments

When my folks retired, I was concerned how they would adjust to all the free time they would have.  This is a scenario that many are concerned with, and rightfully so.  Leisure time can lead to boredom and restlessness.  So, “How about a couple of drinks.” 

A twenty year study of the drinking habits of our senior citizens reveals some interesting factors.  Aside from the fact that life gets lonely when your partner passes away and a drink or two pads the pain, it’s important to keep an eye on yourself, or your mother or father.

The study found that adults are more likely to engage in high-risk drinking if:  Which, by the way, is defined as more than three drinks per day or more than fourteen per week.  Good grief.  More than 14 drinks in one sitting was a minimal goal of mine on any given day.  I probably spilled more than three drinks a day.  I’m not bragging, I’m just sayin’….

We have found certain factors influence seniors drinking habits.  Having financial freedom was one factor.  The study also found that men may be more susceptible to social factors than women, when it comes to heavy drinking.  Having more money and friends who drink were more closely linked to men than women who were older heavy drinkers.

Go to, then click on Resources and Links where you’ll find the study.  Without question, this would be a difficult area of conversation with mom or dad, but it’s important to keep on top of the dangers your folks or grandparents may be facing.

God bless

Alcohol and Abuse

June 16, 2010 on 11:16 am | In Law, abuse, alcoholics, alcoholism, binge drinking, codependent, domestic abuse, drinking, drunk, elder drinking, marijuana, police, probation, recovery, underage drinking | No Comments

Alcoholism and Abuse. Is there a connection?                   

Take the 20 Question Quiz

You Don't Have to Live Like This

Whether drinking alcohol has a cause-and-effect relationship with domestic abuse is uncertain, researchers claim, but the truth is violence is a part of many alcoholic homes.

Alcohol may not be a cause of domestic abuse, but it sure seems to be a catalyst.  One of my wives was very violent.  After broken ribs, sucker punches and aches and pains that came as a direct result of flying objects, I realized that I had better divorce her before I woke up dead!

I want to thank for their look into this ugly side of alcoholism and abuse.

Domestic Abuse Screening Quiz

Is your relationship like most other couples, or has it developed into one that is truly abusive? This screening quiz can help you determine whether you might be involved in an abusive relationship. Answer: Yes or No.

Has your relationship developed into abuse?

Q: Has your partner ever told you that ‘it will never happen again’ but it has?

Q: Have you every lied to anyone about how you received cuts, bruises or scratches?

Q: Do you get anxious or nervous when you have to relay ‘bad news’ to your partner?

Q: Do you sometimes feel like you are ‘walking on eggshells’ to keep from making your partner angry or upset?

Q: Does your partner sometimes embarrass you or criticize you in front of others?

Q: Do you avoid disagreeing with your partner’s opinions or voicing your own opinions?

Q: Does your partner ever accuse you of lying about where you have been or who you were with?

Q: Has your partner’s behavior stopped you from inviting friends or family to your home?

Q: Does your partner ever accuse you of having affairs or otherwise act jealously without cause?

Q: Has your partner ever destroyed any of your belongings or household items?

Q: Does your partner regularly threaten to harm you physically or make threatening gestures?

Q: Has your partner ever threatened to take your children away if you ever try to leave?

Q: Do you sometimes change your plans or cancel outings to avoid your partner’s reaction?

Q: Does your partner blame your behavior or attitude for hitting you?

Q: Do you sometimes think that nothing you do is ever ‘good enough’ to please your partner?

Q: Has your partner ever stopped you from going out or doing something that you wanted to do?

Q: Does your partner always claim to be right even when the opposite is obvious?

Q: Has your partner ever threatened suicide to keep you from leaving?

Q: Have you ever been coerced into having sex with your partner?

Q: Has your partner ever threatened to kill you if you try to leave?

The higher your score the more likely you are in an abusive relationship. If your score is 25 percent or less, domestic abuse is unlikely. 25-50 percent, abuse is possible, and if you score more than 50 percent, it is very likely that your relationship has become abusive. Based on my relationship of my ex-wife, my score was 85%.

Study reveals domestic “predictors of death”

Research of domestic violence-related deaths has revealed that in 83 percent of the cases, the victim was either separated or about to terminate the relationship, giving scientific basis for the long-held belief that the most dangerous time for those involved in abusive relationships is when they try to leave.

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